让小的干吧 Get the kid
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid.
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
谁在打架
Who was fighting?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: Thats a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
向主保密
I dont want Him to know Im here.A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. Id rather not,, the clergyman said, I dont want Him to know Im here.
一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。
饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”
否则
otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
心不在焉的丈夫
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded.
Why are you so nervous? I asked him.
The numbers are the date of our anniversary. my usband confessed.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。
“你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。
“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道。
让小的干吧 Get the kid
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,Get the kid.
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
谁在打架
Who was fighting?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: Thats a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
向主保密
I dont want Him to know Im here.
A distinguished clergyman and the elders from his congregation attended an out-of-town meeting that did not finish until rather late. They decided to have something to eat before goint home, but unfortunately the only spot open was a seedy bar-and-grill with a questionable reputation.
After being served, one of the elders asked the clergyman to say grace. Id rather not,, the clergyman said, I dont want Him to know Im here.
一位著名牧师和他教区的几位老人出席城外会议直到天黑才开完会，他们打算在回家前吃点东西。但很不巧只有一家名声不好的下等酒吧烤菜馆开着门。
饭后，一位老人要牧师祈祷。“我想我是免了，”牧师说。“我不想让主知道我在这里。”
否则
otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
心不在焉的丈夫
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination . At last he succeeded.
Why are you so nervous? I asked him.
The numbers are the date of our anniversary. my usband confessed.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的手提式计算机。机场出口处检查员要他打开包。他耐心的等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。
“你为什么那么紧张呢？”我问他。
“这密码是我们结婚纪念日。”他承认道。
1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nicks answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
理解生活的真实
Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡.
Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every
unsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人. 每个不成功男人的背后, 都有两个.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.
The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好.
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. （老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩.
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
"现在的梦想决定着你的将来",所以还是再睡一会吧.
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来.
"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "
努力工作不会导致死亡!"不过我不会用自己去证明.
"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "
工作好有意思耶!"尤其是看着别人工作.
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地.
When two‘s company, three‘s the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!
A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看.
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少,为什么学来着?!
谁了解女人？
The nice women are ugly.
好女人不漂亮。
The beautiful women are not nice.
漂亮女人不好。
The beautiful and nice women are general stupid.
又漂亮又好的女人一般都很愚蠢。
The beautiful, nice and clever women are married.
又漂亮又好又不愚蠢的女人都结婚了。
The women who are not so beautiful but are nice women are born in poverty.
不是很漂亮但是很好的女人都出身贫寒。
The women who are not so beautiful but are nice women born in noble think we areonly after their lordliness.
不是很漂亮但是很好又出身高贵的女人会认为我们看上的是他们的权势。
The beautiful women without lordliness are after our lordliness.
而没有权势但是很漂亮的女人看上的是我们的权势。
com The clever women, who are not so nice and somewhat beautiful don‘t think we are clever enough.
不是很好但是很漂亮又很聪明的女人却嫌我们不够聪明。
The women who think we are clever, that are nice, somewhat clever and have lordliness have a lot of pursuers.
又好又聪明又出身高贵又觉得我们聪明的女人都有很多追求者。
The women who are somewhat beautiful, somewhat nice and have some lordliness and thank God are clever are ALWAYS MAINTAIN MANY CANDIDATES!!!!!
又好又漂亮又出身高贵而且又聪明的女人总是脚踩几条船。
The women who always maintain many candidates, automatically complain us when westand off them.
那些脚踩几条船的女人一旦我们疏远她们就对我们充满怨言抱怨。
Now，who in the hell understands women?
现在，到底有谁了解女人这东西？
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